Porn addiction cured my PND

Porn addiction cured my PND
03 Sep2014
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Porn addiction cured my PND…mum's confession

When Jennifer Townsend, 39 has dropped the kids off at school, she can't wait to get home, but the household chores can wait, she needs to a fee her porn addiction first…

The mum of two Jamie, 4 and Leila, 6 from Hornchurch, Essex, had never seen a pornographic movie until she was in the depths of PND, which had dogged her since 2010, being diagnosed after the birth of her second child.

Prior to that; they were a happy couple who had been together for 12 years. She says: “I met my husband Nick Tuff, 52, in 2002 we were friends for six months before we started dating. Weirdly, I proposed to him in 2003, he laughed when I asked for his hand in marriage. But when I burst into tears, he knew I was serious. The next day he took me ring shopping.

“We got married in May 2005 in Cyprus and gave birth to our first child, in 2008 July. There were no problems after my daughter was born. I was you typical doting mum. However, after the birth of second child in Jan 2010 that the PND took hold. It hung over me like a cloud, until the day I had a sneaky peek at Nick's laptop.”

Jennifer a marketing manager, was on the household computer one day in May 2013, when she cheekily had a quick look at his internet history.

She said: “I looked at the sites he had been visiting recently and I couldn't believe what I saw. It was hard core pornography, a lot of girl on girl, I was totally shocked I had never seen anything like that before.

“At first I was annoyed that my husband of nine years, was looking at porn at not at me. However, I couldn't blame him; I had been suffering with PND for three years, and our sex life almost non-existent. He needed to get his kicks somewhere.”

When Jennifer was diagnosed by her GP, with PND, she noticed her libido was virtually non-existent, she didn't bond with her son. She felt guilty that she couldn't give her new-born all the love she wanted to share with him. She also argued constantly with her husband. The couple drifted about and slept in separate rooms.

Even though she was surprised he watched porn, she couldn't feel angry at him for it. At least he wasn't cheating on her.

So instead of turning off the computer in a rage, she actually sat down and began to watch the videos, and she could feel her old sexual desires returning, feelings she had not felt for so long.

She says: “I felt drawn to it; I knew it was wrong but I was enjoying it. It was getting my juices flowing, literally. I watched the dirty clips and began to really like it. and played with myself. But I felt ashamed afterwards; like I had cheated on my husband.

“However, it had opened doors that had been shut to me for so long. The next morning when I woke up I couldn't wait until the kids were at school, so I could watch it again. Nick liked girl-on-girl action, but I expanded out, looking at men with women, group sex, bondage, sex swings, submissive…you name it. It is stuff I would never do in real life, it is purely for fantasy, but if I am honest the sex swing looks quite enticing!”

Within days Jennifer was watching porn up to three times a day, she claims if there were more hours in the day she would watch a lot more; but juggling a job, household and two kids isn't easy.

She says: “I would watch it in the morning then after Nick went to bed. He works as a gardener so after a long day's work; the last thing he has the strength to do is have sex.”

But she couldn't keep her naughty secret to herself for too long, her partner found out a few weeks later. Jennifer didn't realise that Nick checked her internet history also.

She says: “He was very embarrassed to begin with. I guess most partners look at porn, but try their best to keep it a secret. After he got over that, I think he was a little bit jealous that I was getting my needs fulfilled elsewhere. He said the stuff I watched was a bit much for him, he was shocked at the type of material I was watching.

“In the end I ended up apologising to him, but I explained the porn had cured my PND. I was ready to love again.”

Although she is getting her sexual gratification elsewhere, it has actually improved their sex life. Now Jennifer is horny all the time and at the weekend they make up for lost time in the week.

She says: “Now we have a lot more sex, during the Monday to Friday I look after myself, but at the weekend it's game on. I just keep pestering him until he gives in. We will have sex Saturday and Sunday. Before I discovered pornography we sometimes went three months without having sex.

But all this fun has started to worry Jennifer, it started as a habit, but is she now suffering with an addiction to porn?

She says: “I started to worry I was obsessed with watching porn, and thought it must be a problem. It wasn't until I tried to stop watching it; that I realised how badly I was hooked on blue movies.

“I didn't watch it for a whole day, but by the evening I was climbing the walls, I couldn't give Nick his tea and pack the kids off the bed quick enough. They must have all been in bed by eight o'clock!

“The moment I heard the bedroom doors close I put the porn on, within seconds I was relaxed and in the moment. Afterwards I felt much better. All the tension, anxious feelings had gone. I decided it was best not to go without watching it. I couldn't deal with feeling like that again.”

Partner Nick isn't worried and only sees positives from Jennifer's thirst for porn.

Nick says: “It has improved our sex life. I was intrigued to begin with when I first found out, but then I thought, it is 2014 everyone is at it. We all deny it, but most people have a look, it is so easy and free to find on the internet these days.

“I think it is a positive thing she watches it, she has spent so long with doctors dealing with her PND and bringing up two young kids. The combination really was killing our sex life. I am tired by the end of the day after a hard day's work, so I am happy for her to look after herself.

“It has also made our life better in general, we are much closer now.”

Jennifer couldn't agree more, she says: “Porn has cured my PND, improved my sex life and given me something to do in the daytime. What can be wrong with that? I am even thinking about getting some sex toys to spice up my me time.”

“There is nothing wrong with what I do; I have nothing to be ashamed of. I have never understood why you would cheat on your partner. If you have additional needs you can look after yourself, without resorting to such hurtful measures.

“I never thought my sex life would ever recover after having two kids and PND, but porn proved me wrong. Even though porn is a bit seedy, it has made us more loving and romantic, even the kids have noticed the improvement in our relationship. I used to get angry all the time now I am so much more relaxed.

“Maybe we will start watching porn together in the future, but maybe the softer stuff, he can't handle the stuff I like!”

 

Jennifer sold her story by filling in the form on the right hand side, if you would like to take part in a case study or sell your own story please click on the latest story requests or what type of stories sell to find further information. 

 

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